I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
