I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
