Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
