doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
