btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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