Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
