hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
