I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
