Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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