you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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