god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
