If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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