Michael Bay diarrhea
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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