singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
