I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
