Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
