For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pants are for mortals
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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