I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
