she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
