He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
