I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
