are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
