Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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