And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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