My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
