i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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