I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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