Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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