Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
