do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
