Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
