I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
