You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
