at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
