It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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