he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
