shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
