I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
