So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
