Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
