tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
