I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
