I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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