My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
