he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
do herpes really smell.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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