Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
