got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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