her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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