franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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