my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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