Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
